Monday, November 16, 2009

Backdown Breakdown?

After spending the day in a bit of a haze, I am at odds about what to do tonight.
Let Callan cry in his room and not go get him, or try the same old things again. I just don't know. I really can't help but feel I am scarring him for life. I mean like so much so that I can no longer afford to go to Target because I need to start saving for therapy. It is heartbreaking to hear that little cry! I have a physiological reaction to it!!!! I feel like my insides are curdling like my nerves are misfiring --the set that listens to my brain repeat stay in bed stay in bed stay in bed and the set that listens to my heart and my instinct and says run to him RUN TO HIM! This tough love stuff is rotten.
It also occurred to me that last night was probably Callan's worst night of his whole life! He's probably never felt so mad or so hurt. I hate inflicting this!
But then again, I have no one to blame about this situation except for myself. So I guess I better hit the books. Research will make me feel better. I know it will.
Someone needs to invent a cry it out hot line. An all night 800 number you can call for moral support while enduring the "Ferver" method.
OY yoi yoi....
Don't judge me if I come to work tomorrow and have already had wine.

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