Remiss

I have been brewing lately. A fine mix of guilt made with equal parts shame, laziness and craziness. The shame comes from knowing I should be doing more: more documenting of Callan’s milestones, more time savoring my pregnancy, more time trying to remember the wife/daughter/sister/friend part of the equation that is somehow supposed to factor into a ‘balance.’ The laziness is exasperated my tiredness and that spirals into the craziness where I begin to beat myself up about all of the above. I need to whip myself into shape—if not physically (let’s face it that is totally out of the question for the time being) mentally. I need to make myself do some more! More anything at this point (besides laziness and craziness) would probably be acceptable. I think my fear will help me do better…I am so afraid of losing/forgetting all the amazing things that Callan has been doing that I am making myself promise to do a better job of recording. If not here, then somewhere!!! Also on this list is doing a better job of backing up all our pictures. Taking videos. See lots to do. So enough wallowing already. I resolve to do better. Not perfect, just better. Better? I am once again having this talk with myself while on an airplane back to Omaha. Which is great, because I can do something about it. Goodbye Phoenix, hello productivity! Speaking of my trip--this is the first time that Callan said "uv ooo mama" (love you mama!) to me on the phone. Heart-melting!!!!!!

Tools
Callan has never met a tool he didn’t like. Kitchen tools, vacuum attachments, screwdrivers, nail clippers---if it is a tool of any type that guy is into it. My parents came over a few weeks ago to help fix the rocker they are letting us borrow. My dad brought a saw horse, a work table, a bucket of tools and handful of clamps. You would have thought he was unloading Disneyland out of his truck. Callan was THRILLED! He stayed outside for three hours going from tool to tool to tool. Clamping things, examining things, digging things, dropping things, hammering things. I think the only person happier than Callan was Papa Mike!

Construction Zone
Eric and I took Callan to a new exhibit at the Children’s museum: Construction Zone. He was so excited to discover an area that had a rope maze (he loves ropes) but not nearly as excited as he was to discover a small play screwdriver in the ‘gravel pit.’ Of all the things we saw and did none were more fascinating that Callan seeing a kid who had his face painted like Spiderman. He was mesmerized! Callan was following him around trying to get in front of him to look at (and I imagine touch if given a chance) his face.

Sweet Trophies
Q: What’s better than a trophy?
A: A trophy filled with CANDY!
Callan completed another session of swimming lessons. They give all the kids a small trophy filled with gold. I mean M&Ms. Pools, candy and trophies…life is good!

Noanks
Ah manners. We started with the easy, please. Now onto the harder, thanks. We’ve been practicing and practicing our ‘magic’ words and Callan has definitely gotten the hang of it.
Me: OK Callan, let’s go change your diapers!
Callan: Noanks. (no thanks)
Me: Callan, would you like some vegetables?
Callan: Noanks.
Me: Ok, time to go night-night/take a bath/inside/home.
Callan: NOANKS mama.
I find myself saying “what nice manners! BUT…” a lot. I mean a lot.

Sensitivity Training
It may be time to invoke some HR type regulations around our house. I may conduct an at home power point presentation about sensitivity in the home. The men in my life have a way with words. And while one of them is too little to know any better…the other one should!!!!! And similarly, only one story is worth repeating!
Last week I perched myself on the edge of our tub to put on my socks. Perching a wobbly over weight pregnant butt on the narrow edge of a ledge is no easy task. I got my socks on but I turned on the water in the process. Callan was watching me and in my usual narrating way I said “Oh no! Mama turned on the water with her big bottom!” You see the mistake, right? If not, I’ve been doing a LOT of things in the last week to the melodious sound of “BIG bottom!” “Mama’s big BOTTOM!” Hmm. I think for my future sanity and vanity I will start to narrate self affirmations. Soon Callan Smalley will be saying: Mama is good enough, smart enough and dog gone it, people like her.

FORE!
According to the calendar, spring is here. That is all the news Eric needs to take to the golf course. After a long winter of longing looks out the back door, he is back on the course. And he is not alone! Eric’s latest golf companion is Callan! He took him out for his first nine holes and made it through seven. I was skeptical of this idea---thinking Callan was too young, that it is too dangerous—all of my normal dream crushing safety mother concerns. Eric was convinced and took him out. From the sounds of it the experience was similar to what I expected would be best case scenario, and apparently was no where near the range of possibilities that Eric had considered. Callan happily rode along in the cart, but wanted to ‘de plane’ every time Eric did, and wanted to do so with a club in hand. I think Eric envisioned Callan sitting happily in the cart waiting while Eric took his shot. (sometimes I think he takes psychotropics.) Eric was thrilled it lasted as long as it did and was beaming a little bit when he reported all the attention that Callan received from the other golfers or “golf guys” as Callan calls them. Unfortunately the round ended on a sour note when Callan had a small melt down when the guys from the clubhouse took Eric’s clubs to storage. He did NOT want them to take away his dad’s clubs. Luckily, he has since recovered. Eric thinks the next outing would be better if it were mother supervised (read: restrained). Time will tell!!!

Baby Sister

Callan was right! In fact; Callan, Eric and the Chinese Birth Chart were right. We are expecting a new baby girl in late July. Which means we have some prep work to do! It will be an adjustment for all of us, but very exciting. I think Eric is starting to get his arms around the idea. Although the first time I brought home a little pink outfit he said “that is weird.” When I asked what, he said it seemed weird to have baby girl clothes in the house instead of boy clothes. Better get used to it, and fast!!!

Cirque de suck

I feel it necessary to preface this post with the disclamer that I had never been to a circus. In my mind it was a glorious softly lit place full of sequined acrobats, clowns with seltzer bottles, non-stop cotton candy and the wafting and delicous scent of hotdogs. This is a sign I have seen too much TV in my life. The circus, or at least the Shriner's circus is none of those things. Callan and I went with my friend Michaella and her daughter to have a fun little circus time. Wow wow wow. The great news is the company was good---we had fun with Michaella and Ellie! The bad news is give me a flash light, a disco ball, a hula hoop and Vegas and I could put on a better show in our basement. You know it is bad when Callan keeps alternating between asking to go home and asking to go night-night. Whoops. Lesson learned. No more circus!

here are the posts I wrote on February 16, 2010 but never got around to actually posting.

Time Out!
Well, it appears as though Callan has a healthy sense of adventure and perhaps a blatant disregard for authority. I wonder who he gets that from? (Since we all know it clearly isn’t me!) Callan started getting ‘time outs’ several months ago—perhaps shortly before Christmas (what a present, eh?) or so. Anyway, I’m not sure Eric nor I realized how consistent we’d been (yay us) nor how regular (boo) until last week. I was working in the kitchen and Eric was watching TV in the other room. I looked over to see Callan reaching up on his tip toes to touch the television. I reminded him that we don’t touch the TV. He lowered himself and glanced over his shoulder at me. I assume now that it was to gauge my position and distance. He promptly turned back around, raised up on his tip toes and craned those little arms overhead to try again. This time Eric intervened, warning him with a time out. Callan looked over his shoulder, smiled, and reached right on back up. Just as Eric was getting of the couch to talk to Callan and take him to time out, Callan turned around, walked over to the fireplace (the timeout spot) and sat down himself. Eric and I were stunned! Eric told him he needed to sit there until he told him he could get up. About 90 seconds into this self administered time out, Callan blurts out “Sorry!” The magic word that releases him from the time out prison. Does this kid have it down, or what? He obviously calculated his odds on this and decided a little handful of TV would be worth a few minutes on the fp. Oh what a wonder to watch that little mind work!

Lollipop.
Last weekend’s swimming lesson brought us a few new things—one a delectable new treat for Callan, two his first use of a three syllable word, and three the need for cleaning wipes moist enough to remove shellac from toddler fingers. I imagine you can string this together yourself, but indulge me. So last weekend was probably like our 20th swimming lesson. Every Saturday we walk by the same green frog bucket on the entry desk twice—once on our way in, and once on our way out. Callan has never seen anyone take anything out of it, nor has he shown any real interest in it. Until this week. On our way out the door Callan reached up to the counter, grabbed the bucket, peered inside and declared “candy!” It was a bucket full of SafeT pops. How he knew those were candy I have no idea…I guess instinct is a strong thing! Anyway, we decided that he could have one, and as soon as we got him strapped in his car seat and handed him the all powerful pop, he immediately tried to bite into it. Which didn’t work out very well. Eric told him not to bite it, it would hurt his teeth. Less than five seconds later I turn around and he has his tongue hanging out of his mouth, licking the lolli like crazy. I guess some things you just don’t need instructions for. He heard us call it a lollipop and the whole way home (between licks) he was repeating LoLLY pop. lollyPOP. Lowwy Pop. I guess some things are just worth working on! When we got home I realized the other consequence of a lowwipop, besides tooth decay and poor nutrition….shellac. Toddler slobber + grape Safety pop= Strongest adhesive in the universe. Take note 3M.

Storytime.
I am currently sitting on an airplane returning to Omaha from Phoenix. I hate being without my boys, but if I must be lonely, I do prefer to be lonely and warm. Although after calling home my second night away I would have traded all the sun in the universe to be able to blink my eyes and be home. There is just something about hearing that sweet little voice on the other end of the phone that makes you realize you really don’t care about having a car or a house or clothes or health insurance, all you want is to be there right at that moment, kissing that downy blonde head and tickling that little belly. However, Eric is a fan of cars, houses, insurance and clothing. So here we are. Anyway, when I called home Eric had Callan on speaker phone so I got to hear him ‘reading’ his truck book to me. Army Truck. Pickle Truck. Painter Guy. Ladder. Up up up, down down down. Blower. Daddy. Hi. It may not have been “I love you and I miss you mommy” but it sure did have the same effect.

Sisser!

OK, so as you just read…there is a new baby on their way to our cozy little home! We were surprised and excited! I personally was relieved to learn that my symptoms of headache, nausea and exhaustion were not a brain tumor but instead the result of my once- again –proven- atrocious -math skills. As my Dr. told me, “blessed be those who practice natural family planning as they shall be called parents.” Touche, Dr. N. touché.
Anywho. As the shock became excitement and the nausea became vomiting, we were so pleased to find out that there is one (yes, only one!!!!) new little baby on their way to our house. We have shown Callan the picture of the ultrasound and told him he is going to have a brother or a sister. On every occasion that we discuss this, he responds with “Sisser.” So we shall see. If he is right, I think we may have family casino day and take that kid to the roulette table. He might not know his numbers from 1-36, but he sure does know his colors---let it ride on red!
But I digress. Another part of the experience we are sharing with Callan is letting him know where the baby is. As soon as I told him that the baby was in my tummy. He turned around, looked at me, put his hand on my tummy and said “OPEN.” When I laughed, he said, “Please.” Is that too sweet or what? So I had to explain to him that the baby was very very tiny (even though mommy is already very very big) and that he or she had to grow big, bigger, biggest before they were able to come out and meet him. Since Callan knows all about doors and knocking to gain entry/exit, I told him the baby would start knocking when they were ready. I have a feeling that explanation could backfire on me. Time will tell.
Callan should be a big brother on or around July 22. We will find out brother or sisser status in March I think. Stay tuned!

Catch up!

OK. The list of excuses is long. Too long. My usual blog time is in the evening after I put Callan to bed. But trouble is, I’ve been putting myself to bed at the same time as Callan! I have been VERY tired as of late---first trimester tired. But we’ll be on to greener pastures soon, I know it!
ANYWHO. I know you didn’t come---if anyone is still checking on us---to read about me and my tiredness. How about instead, a few fun Callan stories? That I can deliver!
So as you can imagine, our little genius is talking and learning at warp speed. He is very much into showing off his smarts by ID’ing everything in sight! GUY! GIRL! KID! HAT! DOGGIE! CAR! TRUCK! APPLE! This happens at home, in the car, in the store—he’s trying out those newfound communication skills and loving people’s responses. So he and I were at our bi annual Whole Foods luncheon a few weeks ago and he was yelling out all his words as we waited for our lunch. Pizza! Guy! Well….it was a pizza girl. But in Callan’s defense an honest mistake if you know what I mean. So that evening Eric and I thought we would work on our Guy/Girl differences by conducting a short quiz.
E/J: What’s Daddy?
C: GUY!
E/J: What is Calissa?
C: GIRL!
E/J: What is NiNI?
C: GIRL
E/J: What is Mommy?
C: GIRL!
E/J: What is Callan?
C: MONKEY!
Ooooo we laughed! Mr. Vocabulary has also taken very quickly to people’s names---he’s moved from MaMa Dada to Mommy and Daddy, and knows that Grandma and Nini are the same person. He is also particularly fond of calling my dad “Mike” which is also pretty hilarious. He is big on commands---ie. COME! Gaga—COME! Which means, please call my Uncle Grant and tell him to come over. That or please tell me a story about the last time Uncle Grant came to visit. He is really quite entertaining these days.
In fact, he has even learned the power of communication for negotiation. We are really trying hard to work towards potty training. I know in some ways the effort might be futile as we will expect some “regression” when the new baby arrives---but it can’t hurt to try. However, it can be messy. So the other night I told Callan about his potty reward---M&Ms! He said “Candy?!” to which I replied, “Yes! If you go PP on the potty, you can have TWO M&Ms!” Callan looked at me, tilted his head and said, “Three.” I don’t even know if he is sure what that means---but it worked. I caved in---even though the closest we got to the potty was the carpet in front of the bathroom. Baby steps, right?
He is also using communication as imitation. After hearing Eric tell me to drive carefully when I leave in the morning---which is really Eric’s way of saying “FTLOG Joslynn, could you please not run over the ice bank/curb/mailbox today. Please.” But when Callan repeats “Careful!” as he waves to me---it sounds so much sweeter than Eric’s admonishment I can’t help but smile. In fact it makes me so happy I even save my glare/eye roll/finger for Eric until I am safely in the garage. Ah love!

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A Good Day

Phew! I, for one, am very tired after a busy but fun day! Callan and I had swimming lessons this morning-the instructor says my kicking form is perfect! Kidding- but she did say that Callan was a little fish! We had lots of fun and Callan took full advantage of the situation to splash me repeatedly. We had some post class difficulties as I had to reeducate mayself on how exactly one shimmies out of a wet swim suit and into a dry bra, etc. While concealing the important bits behind a towel and trying to keep a hand and both eyes on Callan...acrobatic. Then we came home and got ready for our bi weekly Whole Foods lunch. Followed by a nap and then a dinner with our neighbors. Lots of fun and lots of action! Hopefully "we" get a few good hours of sleep tonight!

Blahg

Tired baby in bed. Tired husband in bed. Well rested dog in bed. I guess I should take the hint and head there myself! This might count as a cheating nablopomo post since it is officially about nothing but I don't think a senseless post is the equivalent of performance enhancing drugs...hopefully the /erman judge agrees.

Pig Pen

We braved the latest swine flu clinic today. It was quite a workout! Callan was NOT a fan of waiting in line. He cried and screamed for 30 minutes he wanted to get down and run around but instead he was restrained by the jail of mom. My arms are killing me--not from a shot but because I was schlepping a 10 pound purse a 20 pound diaper bag and a 30 pound baby. Here is a picture of Callan and I when I was trying anything I could think of to settle him down so thatwe weren't mauled by our neighboring line waiters. Food didn't work as a distraction, books were a no go, tractor rides were of no interest. The good news is that the line was the most painful part. And now I don't feel quite as compelled to make Callan a shut in knowing that he has had his first dose. Phew.

Tuesday is brought to you by the letter S

"SHhhhhhhhh!" Callan turned the tables on Eric this afternoon. When Eric tried to wake Callan up from his nap Callan shushed him! This is particularly funny as Eric has been shushing Callan everynight when he wakes up. The optimist in me thinks he is just trying to comfort Callan. The pessimist in me thinks he is telling both of us to be quiet so he can continue sleeping...which may or may not annoy me to the point of convulsion and rude gestures. So the pessimist in me really REALLY liked that Callan was serving up some just desserts!
Our second S word of the day is SNAKE!!! Which is what I found in the basement this evening. You may have seen it on the news 20 Ft Python Found in Basement Mother Saves Family from Iminent Doom. Fine it was a 6 inch garter snake that was trapped on one of our many glue traps set out for that exact purpose. But it did make me scream our third S word of the day.
SHIT!!!

Backdown Breakdown?

After spending the day in a bit of a haze, I am at odds about what to do tonight.
Let Callan cry in his room and not go get him, or try the same old things again. I just don't know. I really can't help but feel I am scarring him for life. I mean like so much so that I can no longer afford to go to Target because I need to start saving for therapy. It is heartbreaking to hear that little cry! I have a physiological reaction to it!!!! I feel like my insides are curdling like my nerves are misfiring --the set that listens to my brain repeat stay in bed stay in bed stay in bed and the set that listens to my heart and my instinct and says run to him RUN TO HIM! This tough love stuff is rotten.
It also occurred to me that last night was probably Callan's worst night of his whole life! He's probably never felt so mad or so hurt. I hate inflicting this!
But then again, I have no one to blame about this situation except for myself. So I guess I better hit the books. Research will make me feel better. I know it will.
Someone needs to invent a cry it out hot line. An all night 800 number you can call for moral support while enduring the "Ferver" method.
OY yoi yoi....
Don't judge me if I come to work tomorrow and have already had wine.

A million pieces

Right now it is 5 am. I am listening to Callan scream alternately between angry gasps of "MAMA" "Ooout" "gogogo" "nighnigh" MaaaMAa!"
I was just interupted by the sound of pajama'ed feet on the floor. Safety note to self: when you finally decide to woman up and have Callan cry it out try making sure he can't climb out of his crib first. It isn't flipping cars over but the climb out I think was an adrenaline result.
This has been coming for a few weeks now--or a year depending on who is counting I guess. Callan seems to never have fully adjusted to the time change. He either wakes up for the day at 5:30 or he wakes at about 3 a.m. Like it is 3 p.m. tonight it started like that again but he just wouldn't go back to sleep his bed our bed rinse repeat. So after an hour and a half of climbing, rocking, shushing and praying my exhaustion and 2ric got the best of me and I agreed to put him in his crib and leave him there....TORTURE! He is asleep again, I imagine he is exhausted! I have decided to roll the dice on staying up instead of going back to bed. I think a one hour nap will do me more harm than good at this point but I may feel differently come 3 this afternoon. I don't know what we will do or try tomorrow night but please wish us luck! And by luck I mean sleep. Yawn!

Overpromise, Underdeliver!

Good news, my blackberry post worked earlier today! hurray!
Bad news, we were so busy I didn't have time to take any new pictures or come up with an idea for my past due post.
Dang it.
I'll do better tomorrow!
I think I can! I think I can!

You are never too young for Starbucks!

Trying two new things: one probably a bad idea introducing Callan to smoothies from Starbucks, two trying a blog posting and photo from my phone. I know I owe two of them today since I was a slacker yest

Sounds Like

You know, as we add words to our vocabulary, and we work on our annunciation and pronunciation....sometimes what we mean and what we say aren't exactly the same.
I only hope that we don't have the need to say sit, duck, or caulk in a public setting in the near future.

Lucky

I was sitting here trying to think about what to post---Callan saying "Jimmy James," or him calling his blankey "so soft."
But instead how about what I was thinking about today, how lucky I am.
In a world full of things that are sometimes awful and a little rotten. I am as lucky as they come. I have a beautiful, healthy, brilliant little boy. A helpful partner. A mom who continues to help me create my whole universe through her generosity. A dad who finds being a grandparent to be the most thrilling thing in the universe. A family that is more loving and supportive than anyone has a right to. Friends that make me laugh.
I am so lucky.
And even more thankful.
I hope I can pass along some of this good fortune to Callan.
If his life so far is any indication, and the love he receives any measure, he might be the luckiest boy ever born.

Number Two, Take Two

Well hell. Things have gone to crap around here! ; )
Poop is our new favorite topic of conversation.
This morning I was persuaded by Callan to let him take a shower (he said Peese when he signed--heartbreakingly sweet!) and when we got out he was spending a few minutes sans diaper. The first thing he saw when he started exploring the closet was a small piece of brown fuzz. He pointed to it and declared--POOP.
I explained to him, no, not poop--fuzz. We need to take it to the trash. He insisted.
POOP!
No, look---Mommy will take it to the trash see?
POOP!
No, just trash.
POOOOP!
Oh shit. Poop.
There it was. Laid out on the closet carpet, a nice fresh poop. Aurgh. Nothing like starting the morning out with a little carpet cleaning.
I need to learn my toddler inflection so I can better determine the difference between, declaration, inquisition and warning.
Something tells me I'll get plenty of practice!

UFO

We had to have a take two on our bath yesterday...we were interrupted by an unidentified floating object.
Some how, a poop magically appeared in our bath. It was FASCINATING stuff! Callan had to run right out and alert Eric. Eric asked him what happened--Callan told him "poop!" He then proceeded to squat down and show him how such a thing might have occurred. Luckily, it was just a reenactment, not a repeat performance.
I thought we'd be recovered from the excitement but when we went to take our bath tonight, it was accompanied by a chorus of "POOOP, poop, PooP, pooooop, POOP MAMA! Poop!" So we had to talk about it and discuss why there are lots better things to find, or to make, in the bath.
The only things we had in there tonight were bubbles and toys.
Thank goodness!!!

Chef? Infomercial host?

Only time will tell. But Callan is showing promise in both areas! This morning I was getting a few things ready for the crockpot...which sounds easy enough but is a little more challenging with a 30 pound toddler on your hip. So you make some adaptations. You let him dump in things here and there...and you might teach him to use a handy kitchen appliance. One that is "As seen on tv," or at least similar to the ones on TV...the SLAP CHOP! You know--the Slap Chop/ShamWow guy has been having some personal issues anyways, so if those products are looking for a new razzle dazzle sales fella...I think I have their man! He says Chop Chop Chop while he pushes the button...it's catchy, it's go a beat, and you can dance to it. Winner.
Plus, the stew was good too.

Lawn Mower with Envy

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it---but the meaning is the same! We've been working on learning our colors---we have BLUE down pat, and we sure know what green looks like...the only trouble is we think it is called Lawn Mower instead of green....I guess that's because we have---for soooo many months now said, green lawn mower...that the two are synonymous. So if you ask Callan what color the grass is: lawn mower. What color is the tree? Lawn mower. Is that sweet or what?
He has been working on lots of words--and will try like crazy to repeat any of them. This weekend we learned zoo, Lizzie (the neighbors dog) sunset and couple. Couple is a weird word to teach you think? Well...actually, we were trying for pickle...but it comes out coupkul. So maybe we should count that as two---pickle and couple? There's enough effort, I think it sounds fair.

Tie it up

We had an exciting first today---our first tie!!!! We went to Nate & Sarah's wedding tonight, and sorry Nate---but Callan was the handsomest fella there! Check him out!!!!

And YES, for anyone keeping track, I did dress Callan in four things that Eric refuses to wear...argyle, plaid, sweater vests and corduroys. All in one outfit! See---there are a few things I CAN control--people not so much--but occasionally things. Check!!! (Speaking of checks, that's another one to shoot for...Eric won't wear checks either.)

Our love to Sarah and Nate!

Men Who Stare at Goats

Almost. Instead we have a little man who looks away from goats. Close enough. Look out Clooney. We decided to take advantage of the great weather today and check out the zoo.

Here's Eric and Callan looking at the Gorillas...




Callan 'listening' to the birds

A lift up for a birds eye view of the birds...

ooooooooooooo what's in there?!?!

Dang those silly monkeys!!!